Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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