it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
