Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
