i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize