I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
