If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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