Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
