The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.