mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding