Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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