the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.