Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.