she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
