physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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