careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
