Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
