Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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