I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want her autograph on my taint
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
