fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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