Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
