So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
