It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
