I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
