So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
