I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
