i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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