remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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