Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
