Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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