I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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