I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Randomize
