her facebook's as public as her vagina
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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