if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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