at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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