ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
