That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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