how can u be prego again
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
