ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
