girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
