I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize