Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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