I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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