perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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