got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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