I cockslap morals
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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