just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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