I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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