You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just blew my weed a kiss
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
