What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
