Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
