I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize