Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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