I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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