Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I AM VODKA MAN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
