I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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