Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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