**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
