Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
