break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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