we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
