we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
