When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
