Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize