Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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