Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
