This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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