we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
