It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
