he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
