The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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