It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
