In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
