Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
